After much introspection I have realised that during this time I allowed the pandemic to take control of my life. The entire world has been in the grips of this pandemic causing panic to set in as we as humans were trying to make sense of something way out of our control. For most of us this pandemic was unimaginable. I find myself saying numerous times “not even in my wildest dreams could I imagine such a dreadful thing.”
I have tried to come to terms with the fact that I cannot plan ahead and that life was all of a sudden controlled under strict lockdown regulations that really made me feel out of control, yet these regulations were put into place to get us to a point of some sort of control. I understood that we needed lockdown regulations to control the spreading of the virus. I also knew that the plans put into action cannot control it totally, but that these regulations could and did help to slow and reduce the rapid spread of the virus. Even knowing this, I still allowed my thoughts, my mind to slow down my plans and I kept on saying that planning was impossible in this time. This brings back a memory of my eldest daughter when she was four years old and her struggles to sit still during church services. My husband asked her on our way home from church why she cannot sit still in church and her answer to him was “it’s my mind daddy, I am trying to sit still, but my mind makes me do it.” She at least was honest with herself and knew that it was her mind that made her misbehave.
At the beginning of our stringent lockdown regulations I wrote down daily things to do, like cleaning and sanitising the home. I however did not accept this unplanned and unexpected lifestyle as any plan. I realise now that these things seemed ridiculous but knowing that if I don’t write down daily tasks to do I would’ve been at a loss for even daily planning. I knew that I would’ve been lost and out of control. I then had a eureka moment. I suddenly realised that even though things were fluid, I could still plan for the future and adjust as needed. I realised that I can plan and make sense of my life even if I have to change it again. It took a bit of time, but I eventually reached my aha moment.
There is a saying that goes “plans are meant to be changed.” This reminds me of one of my previous blogs I wrote about how the virus has managed to take our emotions on a rollercoaster ride and life still feels like this many a times. I had gone numb in the planning area of my life. I allowed this pandemic to rule and take over my life, feeling sorry for myself and repeatedly said that I cannot plan. I let my thoughts and mind believe this as well.
I truly wanted certain things to take place and in this state of mind I overlooked what I had. Thankfully, I can say that through all these numerous unsettling drawbacks I was forced to appreciate what I have. I am so happy that I got over these hurdles and that I managed to regain my footing. I decided that I will not be angry or miserable with life that has changed (maybe now and then, but to get over it quickly). I will take action and I will continue to plan and will continue to have a positive outlook to life. I have tons of things to do and I know that ideas will start falling into place because I’ve opened up my mind to possibilities.
An open mind produces positivity and generates plans with so many possibilities!